That is the question of the day: how to make him trust me. We all want to be in a relationship built on trust. We want to be able to depend on the word of our mate, and we want to have a spouse we can trust in return. But many of the things we imagine will be effective in building this essential trust are nothing more than smoke and mirrors, and could actually do more harm than good when improperly implemented. It can be so difficult to know how to gain back trust, much less grow it.
Below are featured 7 ways you can gain the trust of your mate that are guaranteed to improve your trust level and strengthen the bond in your relationship. Keep in mind these methods are effective in variation in any relationship you have. The point is to gain trust!
1. Be predictable
While spontaneity is fun now and then (and in certain arenas!), predictability and routine are vital to a relationship. These very aspects form the beginnings of the trust foundation. If you are not sure where the other person is or what they are doing you are left uneasy, and this is a perfect breeding grounds for seeds of mistrust. If you both know the routine of the other and have been able to depend on it, this knowledge will sustain that trust level if the routine kept remains dependable.
2. Watch your body language
Next, you should practice being attentive to how your body language is in relation to the words you are speaking and the way you mean the words to come across. If a facial expression or tone of voice are not in tune with what you are saying, this will plant one of those pesky seeds of mistrust. The smallest discrepancy, such as this one, are easily notice and planted into the subconscious of the person you are communicating with. Pay close attention to this, and practice word/facial expression/body language consistency.
3. Follow through on responsibilities
Another important factor is to believe that your partner is competent to be trusted. Do they believe that you are? Are they able to be trusted to be competent when it comes to the tasks of everyday life and relationships? Do they have the ability to follow through on their responsibilities? Are you exhibiting the ability to do these things? If you cannot be trusted with day to day responsibilities, you simply cannot be trusted. It is a character flaw to be irresponsible, and doesn’t just manifest in one area of life.
4. Don’t have secrets
This point is a vital aspect to healthy trust in a relationship: Do Not Keep Secrets! This can, and will, be the end of the relationship trust level as you may know it, and trust is a terribly difficult thing to gain and keep.
Once it has been broken it must be worked on harder than ever. If your partner has a reason not to trust you because you lied or cheated in the past, it can take a lot of time for that trust to return. If the two of you are breaking up over it, see our post on how to get an ex back for more tips on this difficult situation.
5. Tell him what you need
Your partner must be made familiar with what your needs are, and this must be done by you. They are not mind readers, and it is very simple to begin to have trust issues if you feel your mate is not meeting your needs, but on many occasions they have no idea what those needs are. You need to vocalize them in a manner that is gentle, not aggressive, and you must listen closely to their needs as well. As this is practiced mutually their will be growth in the trust level that your spouse desires to, and does, meet your needs.
6. Be assertive – not aggressive
This is just as important as all the rest: learn that it is okay, and at times necessary, to say no. Without exercising this right when it is healthy for you to do so, your partner will not be able to gain a healthy sense of respect for you as a human being or your needs. There will be no boundary, and without boundaries, there is simply no trust. Using the word “no” responsibly and appropriately will in fact build the relationship greatly.
7. Keep growing
All of the above information is for the edification of your relationships, but it must be clear that personal growth be pursued daily by each of us, in every aspect of our lives. Only through this are we able to be sufficiently good to ourselves and others, and only through this will we learn to trust ourselves. When we have reached that point, trust of others becomes part of the equation, and balances the scales perfectly.